CATHERINE VAN WERT

Marriage Coach

An Intelligent, Thoughtful and Modern Approach

My Story

Like most marriages, we have had times that were really enjoyable and times that we wondered if this was what we really wanted. Throughout the years, there were a few consistent issues that caused considerable tension, and because all our efforts to resolve them were futile, they seemed irreconcilable. We didn’t give up. No, the solution was just “making it work” the best that we could. We did what we could to force the messy parts of the relationship to work so the whole thing didn’t just come apart. This meant putting up with, dealing with, giving in, and giving up. Years went by and resentment grew. Thoughts of divorce crossed my mind more often than I wanted. One day, after over 20 years of marriage, we agreed to divorce. It seemed like that was the only way. 

Losing Hope…

What hope is left when you have tried all options and nothing changes? Sure, it’s possible to be somewhat happy through acknowledging the positives. You can get by for a while, but the cumulative effects of neglecting what’s really bothering you or your spouse add up. This can lead to devastating consequences. One day, after all the years of blow-ups and standing disagreements, you or your partner may calmly and matter-of-factly decide this situation cannot continue. Or maybe there’s a final blow-up. Either way, there’s no longer a willingness to compensate for the differences and the resentment that had been building up takes over. 

Common Issues 

Incompatible Emotional and Physical Needs

This is pretty classic. One wants physical intimacy, the other wants to connect emotionally.  Neither are usually good at both. It often leads to a stalement or disingenious interactions and neither person feels fulfilled.

Lack of Real Connection

Getting shut down instead of being understood. Life together is predictable,  boring, and routine. Conversation feels lacking in substance and limited. 

Control Issues

This can manifest into everything: Money issues. Compromises. Parenting. Power struggles. Personal choice.

Our Outcome

Instead of pursuing divorce, we decided to try again. Over the next couple of years, I slowly implemented what I now call the Relationship Fundamentals and it has made the biggest difference in my marriage. 

Ever feel constrained or restricted in your relationship? Ever feel like your needs are not being met? Ever feel like you had to be somebody you weren’t or do things you didn’t want to do? Practicing Relationship Fundamentals will change that.

My approach helps each partner to preserve their individuality while being a strong couple. You can be loved for who you are. You can voice your opinion, needs, or dissent and have a productive heart-to-heart conversation about it rather than an argument. You don’t have to justify yourself or your emotions. 

All these things can be done with a foundation of love, equality, and respect.